My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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