I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
