I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
