I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
