K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
