Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
