wanna go halves on a baby?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
