Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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