im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize