I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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