i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
