I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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