I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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