he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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