Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
