every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
