Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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