i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
