goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
