Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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