Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
