dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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