Don't you send me to vm
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
