Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
