i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
