Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
