Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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