need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
