I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
