So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
