so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
