I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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