he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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