I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
