so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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