I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
