Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
