So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize