If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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