I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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