And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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