Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
