Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
