I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My liver just had a heart attack.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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