I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
