I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
