She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
