she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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