How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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