Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
