I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
