Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
