Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
