id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
