just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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