I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I look better un-naked...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
