I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
