you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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