I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
