I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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