he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
