Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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