i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How's work?
Spinning.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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