It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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