Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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