if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
