Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
