He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize