I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
