My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
