im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
