mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
