i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize