We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize